Soft serve.

The state of experiencing no difficulty, effort, pain, etc. Completely at ease. Thank you, Hansens Copenhagen at Broens Gadekøkken (Bridge Street Kitchen). No doubt, the best vanilla soft ice cream I’ve ever had. W-o-w. I’ll be back for more, ice cream (and brain freeze) galore!

Neither with you nor without you.

Good evening! It’s been a while since I last published something on here. I’ve been busy with family, friends and lots of work at my new workplace, Turning Torso – Sky High Meetings, where I host conferences. I love it. I get to meet the most interesting people and the venue is incredible. I operate on the top floors in the highest skyscraper of the Nordic region. Yes, it’s as cool as it sounds, actually. I am very glad and grateful about it!

Besides from being happy, and probably happier than ever – I still get anxious. I feel like my worth is dependent on performance. Unfortunately, that’s the way I was raised – solely praised for achievements. Even though I know that I am a good person and should be valued for who I am, I find it hard to give myself a break. At the end of the day, most of what I do is a subconscious attempt to impress in order to feel worthy of attention. It’s so bad. The real struggle truly lies within myself nowadays. I obviously didn’t get a full life toolbox out of my childhood but I’m an adult now, it’s no one’s job but my own to take care of me – and I want to do that. I will have to find the missing tools on my own before I can start using them in order to heal my ambivalent soul.

All of this makes perfect sense to me, yet it hurts pretty bad at times. I’ve got so much love to give. Why is it so hard to give some to myself? I know I deserve it, I just don’t have that sense of being loveable, supposedly because I never really felt that warm unconditional love towards me before. It’s a constant fight between what I know and what I think. I have some serious sorting to do…

I get misunderstood a lot. I don’t blame anyone, sometimes I don’t even understand myself. However, I want you to know this: when sharing these personal stories, it is not because I want you to take on responsibility for my well-being. I merely share out of sincerity to give you a fair chance of understanding where I come from. I often get the feeling that people believe it’s their job to fix me and so they shy away because that’s just too much. It is too much, and I don’t expect that from anyone but myself, OK? As far as I know, friendship is about being supportive to the extent of personal ability. I know my friends care regardlessly, they don’t have to move mountains for me. You amount to more than effort. As do I.

Action, baby.

London Has Fallen, Olympus Has Fallen, Taken 3, Unknown… What do these titles have in common? Well, apart from that I watched all of them recently, these films are all about action which is so not my style. I’m not a big fan of action movies, yet I decided to watch these – and liked them. Why? The only explanation is a serious lack of action and excitement in my life at the moment. Ha. Besides, Gerard Butler and Liam Neeson are always easy to watch and I also found the screenplays rather clever; not Inception clever (I still haven’t figured that one, ugh) but intriguing. I prefer films where I don’t have to think too much, presumably because I am embarrassingly bad at watching movies in general. My mind always wanders, I get on the phone and start scrolling my Instagram feed instead, or I’m just leaving without pausing for a cuppa… Hi, my name is Julia and I am a helpless film abuser. Hi Julia!!!

Diaries are a girl’s best friend.

Good day, peeps! Long time no ”see”, but I promise you that I’m alive even though I am fairly dead as we speak. Ha. I’m in bed coughing my lungs out along with fever, day 2. It all started yesterday after working and working out the whole weekend – without any symptoms at all. Very strange, I must say. Anyway, besides from painkillers, diaries are indeed a girl’s best friend at these times. Bridget marvellous Jones, I’m coming for ya!

April showers.

Bring May flowers! I cannot decide whether I like these sandals or not, but they definitely caught my attention. What do you think?

You are gold.

My mind, my mind, my restless business mind…

Mind over matter.

I’d rather die, than diet. I wouldn’t feel much alive if I weren’t allowed to eat whatever, whenever. However, it’s important to find a balance. In fact, I eat a lot more than my body gives me credit for. I can easily overindulge in all the sweets seven days a week, without any major changes. It’s not magic. It’s called daily exercise. I stand up a lot. I walk a lot. I sweat my ass off at the gym. A. LOT. Even though I take occasional breaks from my workouts, I maintain my metabolism by being active in other ways – not every day – but regularly. Also, one triggers the other. When I’ve eaten lots of junk, I want to work out and I have the energy to do so. And when I do train, I also feel like it’s okay to eat whatever I want although training mostly makes me want to eat a whole lot of whole foods. Besides, it’s really all about calories. I don’t suggest you should count, but if you want to lose weight it’s always good to keep track, just don’t overdo it! After all, it’s all about being healthy, i.e. feeling well. That means you mustn’t play games with your mind, you have to treat yourself with kindness.

I’m a professional at feeling bad about myself when someone (anyone) hits the gym and I don’t. That’s nearly as self-destructive as it gets. It’s so bad and something I need to overcome badly. Note to self: don’t overdo, do overcome. Real health starts from the inside, train your brain and boost yourself with solely nutritional thoughts. I absolutely understand those who want to change their lifestyles and lose weight, I just urge you to do it right. Because honestly, I’m sure that, at some point, anyone who’s on a diet wants to be able to eat sugar again. Diets are temporary, aren’t they? Whenever I want to lose weight I don’t necessarily skip any foods, I just eat a little less unhealthy and push myself a little harder at the gym. No diets required. Diets just play mind games, which I very much mind. I’m fragile. I don’t want anyone else to tell me what to do, nor what not to do. Even less do I want a diet to tell me what and when to eat, and what and when not to eat. It is possible to lose weight without a diet. It has to do with the ratio of calorie burn and calorie intake. Just keep it at balance and there you go!

I’d rather die than diet, but of course I don’t recommend dying instead of dieting! I merely want us to know our reasons, to be familiar with what we’re doing to our bodies and why we’re doing it. Simultaneously, be familiar with what we’re doing to our brains and why we’re doing it. Here’s what I think, make sure your life is always worth living and live it the way that makes you truly happy. Never sacrifice your psyche. If your psyche is non-functional, nothing else works; everything about your body is managed from there. To be able to finish at the right place, you must start from the right place. The journey begins within. From the top, to be precise.

Mindset, go!

IKEA FAMILY.

I wasn’t born at IKEA, but I can almost say that I grew up inside those yellow and blue walls. Both of my parents worked there when they met, and during the early years of my childhood. At times, my dad was at the flagship store in Kungens Kurva, Stockholm, and my mum mainly at the office in another store. I used to come along and hang out with her lovely colleagues and I especially remember one who used to buy me ice cream!

I have long been inspired by great entrepreneurs; Ingvar Kamprad and Steve Jobs have always been particularly interesting. At upper secondary school, my last major essay was about these two. I chose to compare two multinational companies in two completely different industries. I looked into terms such as business concept, leadership and product. What fascinates me the most is the fact that these individuals failed many times but still managed to do great deeds. They share a story of hard work, passion and multiple obstacles. I suppose that’s what makes people go down in history. Fail, fail again, fail until you don’t. And of course, have a vision. Ambition.

Mama and papa met Ingvar. I never did although he’s been on my bucket list. He will be missed.

Sweden, and the rest of the world, yesterday we lost one of the greatest minds of our time but let’s carry out the task for him, and for us, by never ever letting creativity die. Kamprad didn’t think outside the box, he thought inside the flat-pack. The last sentence makes me realise even more how brilliant he actually was. Dare to think differently and the game of innovation will be in the bag.

Lovesick.

But now I’m saving all my loving for someone who’s loving me.

Hit-and-run.

The other day, I went outside for a walk with mum. After about an hour of strolling in our neighbourhood, she inscrutably said that there was something she had to tell me. I immediately thought she was expecting. Her fifth. She put it exactly like that the other two times.

I was pleased to find out rather quickly – that was not the case. I do love every single one of my siblings but I always felt the current number was enough. I mean, all l I ever asked for was one. I ended up with three plus three! The moral of this subplot: be careful what you wish for!

Consequently, no baby boom but a bang as she dropped another bomb. My beloved mother is moving to Bangkok! The moment she uttered those words, tears welled up in my eyes. I have no idea how to manage without her close by. She is the indispensable life-support system of mine that I am in serious need of in situations like these. Mama just caused a minor life crash and I feel slightly injured at the moment. The main reason I live in Malmö is because of her and her three kids, my sister and my twin brothers. I cannot believe they will be gone in a month, for one and a half year at least. I am going to miss them times ten.

A number of degrees warmer, six hours ahead and a ten hour flight away. Never have I ever cared this much about numbers! Nevertheless, of course I am happy for my family and this great opportunity. I certainly would have done the same.

We have now discussed the matter for a couple of days. Finally, I have realised this can be advantageous for me as well. I will have an excellent excuse to visit Thailand. Besides, I will get the chance to finally see the sun again and get a tan! It has been eleven years…